I woke up several times from sleep this morning from an awful, awful series of inter-connected nightmares. The memories of it are slowly fading, but the last time I woke up I was so shaken, and in so much emotional pain that I had to cry... even thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes.
It had a very, very twilight-zone quality to it, in that I... experienced something that seemed... surreal to start, yet stirring in the good way... and then something, call it fate or some malicious power, I don't truly know, intervened in such a way that my goal could not be completed.. and that this resulted in not just a significant loss of something that I had been expecting as fate, but also another layer of loss on top of it. At this point, perspective changed... to what I'm not sure. It seemed like I was myself at times, and at other times this powerful, diablo-esque sorceress... so I'm not really sure who I was experiencing things as, except in the end.
This time, the twilight-zone situation happened again.. but to someone else, and this time I had... frankly, TOO MUCH foreknowledge of what was happening. Like... I was this new person, but I had the advanced knowledge of the person in the first part of the dream about this situation as well. And I was powerless to stop it.
Unfortunately, it also affected me directly, as I had know Idea this was coming until it happened, if that makes sense? I'll try to explain it better by quickly summarizing it below.
It started out with my perspective being from the PoV of this woman. I don't really know anything about her, except that LATER she becomes this powerful yet powerless sorceress-thing. Bizarrely, this also takes place in the same geographical area as the first part of the dream, like.. it felt like the same area of land, with the same but slightly different town, taking place a few years in the future.
Anyways, this person that I was befriended a quaint little family: husband, wife, daughter. Things seemed good, the group of 4 became close, like family, especially the little girl: like, the future-sorceress took to her like a mother to a newborn daughter, that sort of bond.
Time either passed or fast-forwarded... I'm not really *sure*, but it ultimately led to a period of time I'd guess 10 years or so in the future... the little girl was a teen now, growing up quickly, yet the bond remained, grown. And that is when this terrible, malicious fate struck. I don't remember *exactly* what the scenario was but it along the lines of "You've got power that would seem like unlimited power to normal people".. the whole sorceress-thing bit. And then you learn that You can use that power to save the mother/father pair that you've become like family with. But if you do, something worse will happen (to me, I think, but it might have been to someone/something else) If you let them die, then this other fate is avoided. Whatever the exact scenario was, it was such that I had to let these two people that I'd come to care for deeply perish. This of course led to the first wave of loss. But it was tempered by the knowledge that the little girl that (I/she) had bonded with was alive and safe.
Or so I thought. Once 'the deed' happened, the parents dead... I learned (again, view the Sudden Realization effect of Fate/Malicious Power) that by letting the parents die to stop this other thing (I want to say that it had to do with saving myself, as the whole situation had a 'punished for selfishness' sort of feel to it) that I also doomed the girl. That she was fated to die... I can't remember if it was from the same thing as the parents, or something worse... probably something worse.
In a fit of panic and anger I set out to stop it. I don't remember what exactly I did, but I felt as though I succeeded. But again, Sudden Fate stepped in... letting me know that by preventing her death, I doomed something else... I dont know what exactly, but it had a more public feel to it, and I know bombs were involved. I couldn't stop it..it had the feel of being at a graveyard though. Maybe someone important was there, I dont really know. But I also knew that the little was going to be there... but that if I let her die to these bombs, then the whole repeating situation of this fate would (should?) stop. So, to spare others/future mes this, I had to let her die.
Even though I was dreaming, it was all so real that I felt this persons grief intensely... having lost everything that was dear to her. I/she set out to confront... something. I think it was the people/person responsible for the bombs, but Im not fully sure. All I know is that I flew to... somewhere. AT this point my obsession with minecraft added their own elements, cause I flew down to some ruins.. I think they might have been the ruins of where the family lived, but Im not fully sure. I killed some Creepers, which really fit the situation, and then moved in to confront the terrible mastermind behind all this. And it was some.. doppleganger/copycat of myself. And I knew I couldnt beat it... Id either burn myself out trying... or I'd have to succumb to it.
I woke up at this point, shaken and literally in tears from this persons grief and emotional pain. It was unbearable... snuggling Nico (my kitten) helped some, but not enough. I had to turn some lights on and listen to a youtube video (Coe's Quest, a Minecraft LP series that I like) to calm down some. Even now though, I keep feeling this... shadow on me. It still hurts.
